Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
