I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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