Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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