I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
