Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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