I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
