Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
