A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
