Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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