I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
