I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
