the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
