you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
