Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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