I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
