don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
