have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
