me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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