Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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