My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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