this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
