i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
