Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
