If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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