The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
