i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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