Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it's like heaven, but drunker
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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