I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
