i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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