I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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