i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
