My room smells like vodka and shame
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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