It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
