Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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