I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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