you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
