just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
