...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
