I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I need water and some morals
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
