I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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