i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
