Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
