He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
