Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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