i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
