My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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