whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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