The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
