Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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