so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
