Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
