My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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