I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
