I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Your dad touched me again.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
